Toto Pass Toto – 18+)
EPISODE 4
I was not smiling when i got to the yard, Ayomi was standing in front of the yard. The moment she saw me, she started beaming like am father christmas.
Ayo: welcome uncle Vic.
Me: afternoon, Ayo going my own
Ayo: ehnn… I wan ask for something hope is not money
Me: wetin be that? Hope say em no concern money the tie was strangling me so I adjust it a bit, Biggy tied it as if I asked him to help me out in committing suicide
Ayo: no, ………. temptation
Me: tomorrow she started smiling shyly like catfish I unlocked my room ’cause Biggy was not inside the room, I entered and first checked all the pots I have for food, at last I saw one with rice. I carried the pot with a spoon, sat on the bed and started devouring the food.
The door opened and Biggy came in.
Biggy: wetin happen? This one you dey eat like occasion madman. I swallowed the rice in my mouth
Me: na only for 9ja, you go apply for 70k job. Them go ask you 2billion naira job questions.
Biggy: no wonder, na em make you invest all your frustration for that innocent pot of rice.
Me: the pot nodey innocent, it is the ’cause of my hunger.
Biggy: sha… We dey enter one church like that for all night, God don heal me.
Me: okay.I would have refuse, but I needed miracles in my life. So, we started sleeping after I took my bath in the afternoon.6pm, I woke up and prepared beans that we ate around 8pm, Biggy nearly cut off my head for delaying the food.
When we were done, we set out for the Church. On our way we started hearing voices, the next two public yards to ours, is known for quarreling everyday. And the one that usually starts this quarrel is Segun wife, because her husband is muscular, the only place that there is no muscles is his teeth.
He could be employed everywhere as a bodyguard, even to the president. I avoids his wife more than HIV.
Segun wife: useless woman, have you been f+cked by body builder in your life? see your slim hungry husband,goan feed him.
Voice 1: body builder wey dey m+an for night instead of you, your husband p—k small pass rice seed. Ashawo!!!clapping her hands
Voice 2: mama Uchechi, leave that woman na, before her husband go come beat up innocent man.
Biggy: the other woman bad oh, she dey listen to their night brigade.
Me: na the man i dey pity, em no go gree come yard for two days. We got to the church late, because the pastor was already on the pulpit.
Pastor: aaahh! aaaahhh… Your enemies shall not see tomorrow, can I hear amen?
Voices: amen!!!
Pastor: caste the devil of poverty in your family, now now!! Pray that prayer.
Voices: poverty die, poverty I bury, poverty i destroy you,foundational poverty die!!!I joined them ’cause we were killing poverty, but the man refused to stop. As the pastor was changing prayer points like clothe, some people were carrying chairs and praying. Others were hitting the wall in prayer, some are marching the floor hard. I wondered were they got that energy, i was tired and sleepy, did not know when i dosed off.
One usher nudged me, I staggered almost falling. I opened my eyes, the pastor was still on the pulpit.
Pastor: face East, face East, your enemies are there.
Voices; enemies from East die!! Enemies from East get accident!!! Demons of East scatter!!!
Me: which kind church be this? yawning I would have checked the name of the church earlier before entering, I dosed off again and usher repeated what he did earlier, I opened my eyes and saw that they have been praying for the past three hours non-stop, can devil survive this kind attack to his kingdom?
Pastor: ….. Army of the Lord pray that prayer!!!They started praying like army, including the usher. I wondered someone praying like that knows when someone is sleeping in the congregation.
I pretended to be sleeping, and he walked towards me to wake me. As he tried to nudge me with his body, I shifted and pushed him slightly. He collided into one lady and both of them fell on the floor.
Lady: stupid man!! resounding slap, gbooossaaa!!
Pastor: Jesus! everywhere quiet
Lady: are you blind?! I tap Biggy’s shoulder
Me: make we dey go. he yawn
Biggy: I don tire for the church sef.
Pastor: choir sing a song he walk down from the pulpit We were on our way after we exit the church compound, when Biggy started looking at me suspiciously.
Me: why your face dey draw like okro?
Biggy: na you do that thing wey make the babe thunderthe usher face?
Me: na answer or question be that?
Biggy: anywhere you dey trouble must show face, wakafast i wan sleep.
Me: you dey awake since?
Biggy: say na me kill Jesus? I been dey sleep since, na you even wake me.
Me: how manage, why the usher no disturb you?
Biggy: I go tell you, but put leg for ground. I wan crash.
Me: i been dey put leg for water? Go crash with that mad woman na he hissed We half-ran pass a smelling heaped dust bin by a plantation, were a madwoman was making funny moves.
We turned into a street with beaming street lights and Isighted three guys smoking from afar.
Me: those guys na thief oh.
Biggy: wetin we go do?
Me: act like madmen he touched my head with his palm
Biggy: you no well.
Biggy started staggering towards the guys that have starts walking towards us, he acted like a drunkard making funny moves and noise.
I followed him praying the stupid idea works.
Biggy: there are three little black bird sitting on the wall he sing drunkenly
Me: nwanye peter, nwayne paul, nwanye peter paul. singing
Biggy: am seeing five thousand soldiers coming he starts counting the guys coming repeatedly
Me: fire!! Fire!!! I lie on the ground pointing imaginary guns, shooting with my mouth Three of them looked at us in pity, they shaked their heads and walked pass us, to an extent.
Biggy: take cover!! take cover!!! running
Me: deploy plan two running Probably they looked behind them and saw that we ran like people who has not tasted a bottle of beer.
Voice 1: stop there!! running towards us
Voice: we will blow your head you get gun na em you never rob bank?
We ran with speed, i wondered where Biggy got the speed from.
The way he was running, you will think he is not chubby at all.
We ran without looking back until we entered inside myroom and locked the door.
Me: you for challenge for olympic medal breathing heavily
Biggy: i no wan die young breathing heavily
We slept like that without pulling those clothes we wore to the strange Church, the next morning Biggy was still sleeping.
I checked time and it was 10am since is Sunday.
The youths of the area hardly go to Church even if we recorded the highest crusade and evangelism in the State. Still, they refuse going to Church.
I wore my jersey and went to the field, when i got there they have already started long before I came.
Kelly: idiot!! Pass ball, you go commot oh.
Boy1: wetin be your problem sef Kelly got the ball and shot him, he is on Kelly side Kelly is one of those guys in the area that claims to be a cultist and stubborn, he ran towards the boy and slapped him.
Boy1: Kelly wetin I do you na!! yelling
Kelly: na me you dey shout for? slap him again
Voices: leave am na, kelly the boy no be your mate na, ona wan spoil the ball.
Kelly: commot, you no sabi play ball. You come field, Vikolo you wan play ball? no, i come watch ona
Me: i wan play i enter the field
Kelly: the people wey wear clothes na our men, play defence.
We were four aside, as we kick the ball about.
Locally called monkey post, a tyre on each marked end of the field that serves as goal post.
Kelly: ona dey shoot, when i go start now…
Obi: you sabi complain i swear. I played the ball to Kelly
Me: oboy pass the ball na he kick the ball violently and the ball float in the air, and touch Small
Me: you have kill yourself chuckling Small is a high rank cultist in the ruling cult of the area,they operate like political party and they are the government that keeps the peace of the area. I wonder how he came back from prison, after i learnt some weeks ago he was taken to jail.
His weed dropped to the ground, he quickly brought outa gun and a knife, he t—-t the knife inside the ball.
He entered the field looking very angry.
Small: who be that blind person wey no see say, Small dey pass? everyone point at Kelly
Kelly has started crying and tears flooding his cheeks already, you have not seen anything.
Small: Vic!! how far na? Chichi dey fine you. the devil is a liar!
Those days i was having raging hormones in my loin, so I scavenge for any available female to ease my pressure. Chichi was the victim, I sweet talked her to my house and we had four rough sweet rounds. After I emptied my sprm sac, I realized that Chichi was not the kind of girl I wanted as girlfriend. She has killer body that every girl will envy, with backside that shake like water in a can and can awake impotent d+ck, but her head is not of Earth but Jupiter, her head is what branded Chichi as ugly girl, asa son of his father I always go for complete package asgirlfriend.
Chichi was not a complete package, but she still came back for more rounds and I was giving it to her hotter everyday roughly, the problem was Chichi keep warning me against cheating on her which I did not remember that I asked her to be my girlfriend.
As a gentle young man, I did a little discovery about Chichi and was told about her brother, my plans of shattering our s+xual relationship shattered.
I became a born again christain that prayed and read his bible whenever his girlfriend came around, she later got tired of my new behaviour and hooked up with another guy, I used that opportunity and parked out of the area in peace.
Me: Boss Smile, i dey miss your beautiful sister well well oh. miss fire
Small: no wam, oboy you no go lie down! My smoke your brain? Kelly lie flat on the ground and pee on his short
Kelly: no no, please o… shiveringI looked around and saw that others have already gone home, no one was there to plead for Kelly. I was the only one left, I wore my trouser and went home.
On getting to the unusual quiet yard, it is always quiet on Sundays. I saw Ayom i leaving my room like someone jammed by trailer of s+x, hope is not what am thinking ohh.. I entered the room and saw Biggy smiling like jelly fish, with his clothe swinging on his n***d body.
Me: why na? Why you nofit commot eye for toto, na everywhere you go chuk your short and mighty?
Biggy: chill na… I just helped a sister in need and a brother in absence.
Me: who send you?
Biggy: the girl come fine you several times, I come dey gist am till she come gree tell me why she come find you, i come help you. You suppose buy malt and thank me, is not easy to satisfy a tight and sweet p+ssy.
Me: malt kill you there!! Person wey I arrange to scatter her toto today, na you smack clean mouth like that. Food dey this house?
Biggy: yes na, i cook rice and stew, with that your money.
Me: hope say na comedy? he hissedI went to the small kitchen section that has one big locker, I kept kitchen utensils in. I opened it and brought out a big pot with smaller one containing the stew and the other rice.
Phcn brought light and I tried to open the fridge in my room, to take water I kept inside. Immediately I touched the handle I was shocked.
Me: oboy, this fridge dey shock!!
Biggy: who get am? You no go gree buy fridge you go like to inherit. Off am oh, before that your fridge go record kill one.
Actually I inherited the fridge from one of the tenant that was my good friend that parked out of the yard, i took the water and devoured the food. Later, took my bath and came online.
Beauty: hey baby! whatsapp message
Biggy: why you keep face like person wey wan c+m?
Me: will you keep quiet!!Beauty was a girl that I have wooed with five thousand ways of winning girl’s heart and she still refused to go out on a date with me, she is very beautiful and her profile pictures are intoxicating.
Me: hmm… This one you remember me, I know say heaven have started discussing my matter. typed and sent
Beauty: lol… You are funny, I just came back from South Africa, I will be bored this weekend. green light
Me: lets have a date, and I promise to take you to cloud9 and 10. typed and sent
Beauty: lol.. How will you do that? my d+ck will do that
Me: is a surprise, it will come with complete package typed and sent She went offline, so I turned to Biggy as a master planner on date.
Me: you don subscribe your sim sense this Month?
Biggy: wetin come bring that one?
Me: where you want my carry this babe go this weekend, she be lady with class oh. showing Biggy her picture
Biggy: as broke guy with his future in shadow, carry amgo club so that you go fit chop her quick quick. Except say you wan be Romeo and 21st century Romeo must get money.
Me: dey serious abeg..
A message came into my phone and I swiped the screen, read it.
Me: thank you Jesus!!! screaming*
Biggy: why you dey bark like dog wey the owner don disown? I gave him my phone
Me: I don become working class, poverty bye bye he look at me like I have run mad
Biggy: for 70k? divide am by your school fees.
Me: guy, this place no sweet me for body again, I wan rent self-contain.
Biggy: make we dey go fine na, you think say I go advice you?We dressed up and headed out in search of self-contain apartment, after we have gone to three streets the fourth one. A fenced yard, that has four self-contain apartments and two bedrooms apartment, I decided to rent the only vacant self-contain apartment because of the occupants are mainly female that are yet to marry, and a newly wedded young couple.
I met the caretaker and did the required transaction, we were about leaving the compound…
Caretaker: you will be moving in next week, right? is this one head correct?
Me: tomorrow, I will be starting my newly find work next week. So, i will not be chance next week.
Biggy: we will be cleaning the house today, can I have the keys?He gave us the keys reluctantly, i began to suspect the man.
When we left the compound…
Biggy: that caretaker no wan rent the house give you.
Me: i see am like that, em no want division for em kingdom. King Solomon.
Biggy: no wonder em papa call am Solo, with his flat onion nose.
Me: if em like am or not, I dey enter this yard to shift pants.
Biggy: I trust you, make HIV no shift you go the other side sha..We took a taxi and went home, later came back to the yard in the evening. And did a sparkling cleaning in the rooms, we were busy with the floor brush when a lady of about 25years came.
Lady: good evening, are you the new tenant
Biggy: yes oh, hope you live in this compound too?
Lady: yes, I do… Am actually your neighbor. smiling
Biggy: am actually protected if beautiful angel like you live here, what is your sexy name?
Lady: you are very funny, am Tricia. And what is yours?
Biggy: am B and D, is nice meeting you Tricia.
Lady: you mean Big D–k? Biggy grinning like organic monkey
Biggy: yeah… Pretty Tricia.
Lady: hope is actually big, i will be going. See you some other time.
Lady: hi
Me: hi she left
Me: which day your papa start to call you Big D–k?
Biggy: I no understand, when you turn questioneer?
Me: we no follow rent this house o, I no know why you dey in a hurry to run enter pant.
Biggy: dey there, her nyash dey very attractive.
Around 8pm we left the place sparkling white, the next morning I wanted to move my foam and stove, to my new house…
Biggy: where all these things wan go?
Me: you lose your memory for sleep, i wan park na.
Biggy: you no read am for bible, old things shall pass away and new things shall come to stay, guy pretend say you be big boy for once. Leave this economical lifestyle, na food wey dey belle na person dey die with oh.
Me: I don hear, so wetin you want my do now?
Biggy: na to make withdrawal then blaze inside market.
I agreed with him, after the bank transaction we went straight to the market. And I spent all the money I took from the bank, Biggy was still urging me to buy more as I kept on doing bank transfers.
I was weeping in my heart, is like I was not with my senses.
After we conveyed all what we bought to my new apartment, we arranged it and Biggy left.
I saw my account balance and wept like baby, I had a sleepless night. That I slept off the next day at 6am, stupid MTN borrow u message woke me up around 11am.I decided to log in to console my sorrow, immediately I switch on my data a whatsapp message pop-up on the notification bar from Tracy.
Tracy: hi sweet d+ck, am coming to visit you online
Me: Tracy, my sweet toto… I have upgrade oh, I nodey stay for that place again. typed and sent
Tracy: where do you now live?
Me: ……….. When you wan come? typed and sent
Tracy: 2pm, i go don do come. i will so scatter this girlp+ssy, that she will not be able to walk home
To be continued..,
