Toto Pass Toto – 18+)
EPISODE 12
Me: no be transport you dey waste be that?
Ikenna: even if na one million transport I prefer to stay here than go stay inside school this guy serious oh
Me: Umashi enter inside, Ikenna you fit go.
Ikenna: Vera, we will see. in my front?!
Umashi: okay. you will explain that okay Someone should hold me before I kill somebody and goto jail, me and my older brother’s daughter entered inside the house and I dropped the briefcase I held, and placed my both hands on my waist.
Me: who be that boy?
Umashi: daddy, you meant Ikenna?
Me: yes, I know his name. Who is he to you?
Umashi: he is just my friend.
Me: friend! Eehnnn!! You are here to write Jamb or make friends?
Umashi: he is just helping out so that I will score high in Jamb.
Me: help!! Which kind help that mama thank you boy fit give you, what happened to all these fine girls living around to make friends, ehnn Vera!??
Umashi: daddy, he lives close, all the girls in the yard are ladies.
Me: all the girls in the yard are lady? You no sabi English sef, all you know is to laugh and smile like mad woman listening to Ikenna and his EFCC English, iffa see you with that boy again!! Lemme don’t talk first.
Umashi: sorry, daddy.
Me: sorry for yourself. I removed my work out-fit and had a cold shower, I decided to sleep.
My kid sister was on the reading desk studying, when I went off to dream land. I was enjoying the sleep when I saw a vulture calling my sister’s name in the dream, I quickly woke up.
Sam: his voice calling from outside Vera! Come and remove you people’s clothes is getting late.
Me: my sister stand up from the chair where you wan go?
Umashi: to remove the clothes.
Me: my fiend! Will nyash down there!! I hiss I stood up and flogged the clothe I kept beside me on the bed on my body, and stood up. I adjusted my boxer a bit because my dck was misbehaving, I went through the kitchen and came out in the verandah to see Sam standing at my frontage like a paid houseboy. He thought I was not at home, so that he will sweet talk my sister, eehhnn… I will injure somebody oh!!
Me: you lost your memory or your memory lost you?
Sam: he hiss is your sister at home?
Me: go and bring back your wife, konji go kill you oh!!He looked at me as someone that has ran mad and shook his head then walk away, am I not actually going crazy?I reasoned it that am actually doing the right thing. I went out and brought the clothes in, a video request came in on my phone from Beauty.
The screen displayed and Beauty image appeared, and a clean sparkling kitchen made the background.
Me: someone call 911, fire fire ohh!!
Beauty: she start laughing you are not serious, am preparing rice?
Me: awww… I will not be there to eat.
Beauty: come and spend some time with me in my house.
Me: I will, I cannot grant that request until my sister travel back.
I saw a girl hand touching Beauty and she shifted the screen, smaller version of Beauty joined her on my screen.
She is so beautiful at her age, I swear she will beat beauty when she grows up if she will not meet the wrong guys.
Small girl: hey, uncle how are you? all this big mouthed children
Me: am fine, you?
Small girl: cool, are you my…
Beauty: Annabel f–k off from my phone, god! I don’t know what to do with this kid!! I start laughing
Me: do you hate kids that much?
Beauty: no, I love them but they are nothing but trouble,my God!! Annabel, what are you doing? I will call you back emergency.
She ended the video call, I shook my head.
The night went and she did not call neither Abigail called unusual, I tried her line but did not go through. I was worried, I slept off with lots of conflicting thoughts. Is that little kid Beauty’s daughter, is it why she does not want to get marry? I kept on tossing through out the night.
I did not sleep very well through out the night, I had no choice but to wake very early and left home for work.
After I was done supervising the industry environment, I settled down on my desk and a video call request came in from Abigail. I quickly accepted it, she was silent observing my physique closely.
Abigail: you look stressed out, is something bothering you?
Me: I could not get through to you yesterday.
Abigail: am sorry, I tried calling your line before we went in for the operation room but it was busy.
Me: my doctor, doctor Abigail.
Abigail: you have start bah? Am not seeing my period.
Me: you will see it when it is time.
Abigail: emergency, talk to you later.
Sleep kidnapped me like a hungry kidnapper after she ended the video call, ‘I returned from work and Musa opened the gate for me, I drove in and came down from my car. I looked towards my frontage and saw two different foot-wears on my doorstep, I didn’t recognise the other one. I locked my car and walked to my apartment, it was locked from inside. I unlocked it and started hearing funny noises like maning, I entered the house and the maning became clear and louder, I got inside my bedroom and saw Ikenna banging my sister anyhow, the moment they saw me they disengaged and Ikenna python was clothed with glittering cndom, and I fainted’
Secretary: sir, sir!!
Me: Jesus! The devil is a liar!! I pick my car keys and my briefcase
Secretary: sir, here is the results of the test you requested for.
Me: madam wait, family first. I ran out of the industry building like I was being pursued surprising the workers, I will not let that girl put me to shame. I entered my car and ignited the engine, and drove to my my rented apartment like mad danfo driver, I got to the gate and came down leaving my car outside, I picked my briefcase and walked into the compound to be shocked with the foot-wear I saw in my dream.
I started hearing Ikenna’s voice from the verandah and Umashi, he was cracking dry jokes and the mumu girl is busy laughing.
So this boy really vowed to shift my sister’s pnt, he has graduated from outside to verandah who knows if Igive him more chance he will not ascend to bedroom skipping kitchen then bed. I appeared before them, Umashi was surprised she was not expecting me to return by that time.
Me: eeeehhh! Ona don graduate from outside to verandah, Umashi!! I scream
Umashi: daddy, welcome.
Me: welcome bomb you there! My fiend will you disappear inside?!
Ikenna: uncle Vic, welcome… Am just teaching her biology.
Me: abeg, no teach am again. Go your house, she no tell you say I be the best student for biology for theory and practical for my state.
Ikenna: uncle Vic, is not what you are thinking. Me and Vera are just friends.
Me: you even know wetin I dey think, you don see where girl and boy be friends? Umashi you still dey stand there!! she run inside the house
Ikenna: I am different, am just helping her.
Me: which kind help mama thank you boy like you wan render to my sister? I take God beg you, leave my small sister alone she never mature.
Ikenna: but Vera is a big girl, she can decide for herself this boy want my kill am
Me: no problem, as she be big gal, bring 5k come give am, if you like my sister go pay her bride for Ochigba, na one million naira. As I dey go inside, I no wan come out see you here again oh.
I warned and entered the house and saw Umashi on myreading text reading.
Me: you wan disgrace me? Tell the satan say them don loose. When you dey write Jamb?
Umashi: is tomorrow, daddy.
Me: na you dey dey talk with that boy wey no get anything to contribute to your future, you wan write Ikenna for your answer bah?
Umashi: she shake her head he scored 230, and he is teaching me how to score higher.
Me: anything below 250 you don fail, you better read forget about boys wey nofit sit down think about their future, from tomorrow you go be my P.A till you travel.
I wore my clothe and went out to get something for us to prepare beans she selected during the day, I came out and did not see Ikenna, very good. I wore my clothe and came out of the gate, looked left and right before crossing the road when Traffick was free.
I looked around and saw the shop I usually buy ripe plantain from, I walked to the shop and was surprised to find a beautiful girl rather than a woman who has been my customer for her cheerful attitude of giving me customer bonus anytime I come to her shop.
Girl: good evening, what do you want to buy?
Me: you are very beautiful, I want to buy you.
Girl: she blush am not a goods oh!
Me: girl you too fine, where is your village, I wan pay your bride price?
Girl: hiaa… Owey oh! We nodey marry outside for our church oh!
Me: which church be that?
Girl: Jehovah Witness toasting end there, I no want bible troops to frequent my house
Me: you just make everything fine for this shop, how much be this beautiful plantain?
Girl: 400naira.
Me: hiaa! You want give me bp, abeg commot small money na.
Girl: bring 350naira.
Me: thank you so much my wife, you too fine. she package it and give it to me
Girl: you stay in that house pointing to my house
Me: no, I just go greet person there, I stay for the back.
Girl: okay.I left the shop and went to the yard and saw Ikenna sitting down on a plastic chair pressing his phone, facing my apartment.
I laughed he thought my sister will come out not knowing that I have placed her under house arrest.
My phone rang and I picked it immediately…
Me: my one and only blood brother.
Victory: you wicked oh! You allow us trek like mad people that day.
Me: no vex, I think say ona no wan come that time, ehnn… Come carry Umashi go where she go write jamb tomorrow.
Victory: no problem, I go come.I went inside and we prepared the beans together, she had good kitchen skills but I did not allow her to cook.
After we were done eating, I was so stressed out that I have to bath and sleep very early.
I held the kitchen key that leads to verandah in my hand while sleeping. I was getting tired of sleeping, and I was about opening my eyes when I heard Ikenna’s voice calling out from the window.
Ikenna: Vera, come out, please.. whispering
Vera: I cannot come out, my dad has locked the entrance doors.
Ikenna: are you done thinking about it, I want you to be my girlfriend? ehhnn! I stir on my bed
Vera: am still thinking about it, go go… Before my daddy will wake up.
Ikenna: I will go, he is just jealous that I love you.
Love will kill both of you, after your exam tomorrow you will go back to where you came from.I later called my two love before retiring to the land of dreams afterwards, the next day. I quickly asked my sister to brush her mouth and start revising her books before 10pm, ’cause from were I stay to where she is going to write her jamb is just an hour ride.
She had her bath and we waited for my brother Victory, when it was 9:30am he did not show up. I have to call him…
Me: Victory, where you dey?
Victory: I dey for your side, carry her come out. I no wansee Sam.
Me: you see wetin your dck don do you?
Victory: just do am joor…He ended the call, I carried all Umashi luggage and started arranging her belongings.
Umashi: daddy, what are you doing?
Me: your eyes dey pain you, after you write jamb finish, na from there you go go.
I carried her travelling box outside and locked the door, locked the protector and carried her box inside the booth.
She was looking at me with teary eyes, ‘I no send’ I started the engine and she entered, Musa ran to the gate and opened it.
I drove out of the gate and took a left turn, we were headed to the junction when I saw my twin brother waving at us.I slowed down and parked my car at the road side, he came over to the window.
Me: drive am go there, from there… Carry her go house.
Victory: no wahala, car keys.
Me: take am easy oh! That car cost pass your destiny oh!!
Victory: you don kolo.
I came down and handed the car keys over to him, I walked down to my house, on entering the gate I saw two female and a matured man knocking at my protector.
I examined them, they were holding an umbrella with office bags.
One of them held bible, I continued walking…
Me: ona good morning, the owner of the house nodey around.
Man: excuse me sir, we will like to share the word of God with you.
Me: if na food I go waitor money, shit dey catch me. I rushed quickly to backyard, I turned in the backyard and used my backdoor and entered the house. I placed a call to Beauty, she picked…
Me: baby, are you at home?
Beauty: yes, I am at home, will you come?
Me: yeah.. Am on my way.
Beauty: yaaaa!! Am waiting baby.
She and that little girl screamed down my eardrum, I had to end the call and walked to the kitchen.
I peeped from the kitchen window to check if our August visitors have gone.
I saw them talking and moving towards the gate, no one is interested to listen to them, and this yard people want to make heaven.
I waited for ten minutes to make sure they have left kpatakpata.
I kitted up and find my way outside the yard.
I came out of the gate and stood scanning the open street, one sweet sixteen with big ss walked pass me without greeting me shaking her upcoming big bumbum.
Me: bia… You don’t see me or you no sabi good afternoon?
Girl: I don’t know you, why will I greet someone I don’t know?
Me: see this small girl, my prck tall pass you, greet mejoor!
Girl: I no be small girl oh, wetin I don chop pass that tortoritor wey dey in between your legs.
Me: ehhnnn! I scream as you small like that?
Girl: iffa catch you for bed two seconds you don release your akamu jehovah.
I screamed and opened my mouth in wonder, she hissed and walked away.
Look at this small girl saying what her great grand mother should be saying, I rubbed my g—n to confirm if my dck is still intact. I waved a taxi and entered, we moved for thirty minutes and stopped at a junction that I will take another taxi to Beauty’s house.
Voice: as you enter kpaaa! You release uwarrraarrraa, we get the ugombe medicine wey go make you climb your wife till she start to call you honey, your thing nodey stand gidigba! Our medicine go make your thing stand like iroko. Or na water water sprm you dey release, we go give you better medicine wey go turn your sprm to akamu jehovah.
Visit us now, to be a man…
Man wey nofit satisfy em wife no be man oh! Na woman em be, brother is not toolate to increase the size of your carrot to cucumber, visit us now!!
Man1: this medicine go well…
Man2: I need am oh, em get one woman for our yard wey I wan show pepper.
I also decided to join them and buy, since am going to Beauty’s house. She might ask for sx, then I will shock her with enough sx.
I went towards were the speaker was sounding from, it was a sienna parked by the road side with loads of medicine loaded inside the sienna.
Me: oga, how much for the one wey go make person last well well for bed?
Oga: you mean to be a man? I nod that one na one thousand naira.
Me: I no understand, na the medicine go do the fcking or wetin?
Oga: no be so, sha.. you fit price am.Me: na five hundred I get oh, you wan sell am?
Oga: ah! Ahh!! Em too small, oga em no cost like that.
I started going my own, since he wants to sell what I don’t even know if it will work one million naira…
Oga: ehnn… Oga come back, come collect am for 5h.
Me: na now you come…I paid and he gave me the medicine, I went towards the park and boarded a taxi, and the driver set the car in motion thirty minutes time, I requested to drop along the road to the final bus stop…
The driver parked and I came down, paid the taxi driver and he continued his journey of making money.
I brought out the medicine and emptied the container, the medicine was tasting like rotten orange. I had to close my eyes so that I could drink it all, I hope this works.
I went to the gate and knocked for two minutes before I heard a voice.
Voice: who is there? the gateman ask angrily
Me: open the gate, I wan see your madam he open thegate and look at me like madman
Gateman: bia… So na who you say you dey fine?
Me: I say I wan see your madam he scan me from up till down
Gateman: small madam or big madam? raising his hand up and down
Me: I don’t have time, give way I want to go in.
Gateman: lai! Lai! I nofit allow useless person enter here, I love my job.
Me: my call your madam.I dialed her number, he peeped and saw my screen. I placed a call to Beauty, as it was ringing the gateman ended the call…
Gateman: ah! Ahh!! Em never reach this level, you are welcome, sir!!
Me: that is my boy.I entered the house and I was marveled by the small mansion she was living, the flower, the cars, the sparkling walls.
The house is in perfection with the numerous cars parked reflecting the sun.
A little heaven in GRA, I reasoned. I knew that Beauty was never my class, but who am I to reject God’s blessing.
I knocked on the door and someone that looks like Beauty, but smaller version appeared. She is too pretty for her age, my rod started moving in my boxer.
Girl: how may I help you?
Me: Annabel, is your mom in?
Girl: how do you know my name? Well…
There is no mom here, wrong address. who be this one again na?
Me: wait, am here to see Beauty, is she not in?
Girl: hold on, who are you please? all these big mouthed kids
Me: tell her big rod is here?
Girl: she look confuse what do you mean? Is that the name your parents gave to you?
Voice: Annabel, who is that at the door?
Girl: is a young man here to see you.
Voice: what the f–k Annabel, that is my boyfriend.
I heard faint-falls approaching the door, Beauty flung the door wide open and hugged me.
Beauty: baby, so you came? beaming
Me: yeah… I even come with my ghost.
Annabel: Sis, you better remove whatever you are cooking, the entire house is smoking.
Beauty: make yourself comfortable, am coming…
She ran off and Annabel rolled her eyes and walked away, I settled in a sofa and was surprised how my dck got erect without me feeling any arousal, I clamped my both legs as the bulge became obvious.
Annabel, came down with a book in hand, she sat opposite then stood up and carried the book directly to me.
Annabel: uncle, define biology? i wonder what a kid like her wants to use the definition of biology for
Me: you are too small to be asking such questions, you should be singing ABCD to Z I start to sweat, as my dck start aching me
Annabel: am not small, am a big girl, my sis tells me that, and everyone calls me big girl, except you, who cares she roll her eyes
Me: if you are a big girl, you should know how to define simple biology all this small pikin can disgrace somebody, now that my brain is on holiday
Annabel: I can define it, bio….
Beauty: Annabel leave my boyfriend alone, go and get yours and interview I release hot breathe Annabel walked away, she took a route around the staircase landing and disappeared in view.
Beauty sat beside me, and I spread my legs. She saw the bulge and was surprised..
Beauty: how come?
Me: I don’t know, I need you badly.
Beauty: it will be a quickie, I don’t want my sister to know that am not a virgin, she is very curious individual hahaha, virgin ke?
Me: lets go to your room.
I was running upstairs as Beauty chuckled and giggled enjoying the condition I was, my dck was aching me badly.I got to the top of the staircase while she was mid-way, taking her time climbing the staircase.
Me: where is your room?
Beauty: the second room at your left. I ran inside the room and dragged, pulled off all my wears.
My dck was released from prison of clothe, I felt much better as all my veins shoot my dck straight like pole.
She opened the door and saw me n***d, she got hold of my dck and jrked it a little.
She knelt in between my legs and poke her tongue on my dck tip, immediately my sprm started running out like running tap.
Beauty looked at me like am sick or something is wrong with me, just 45 seconds into the oral sx, I spilled all my sBeauty
Beauty: what is the meaning of this?she scream at me
I was so ashamed of myself that I choked back the words I wanted to say as an excuse for premature ejaculation.
She glared at me angrily, I put up a confuse Instead
Beauty: fine, fine, let’s get it up… I need it running in and out of my wt pssy.
Me: will it get up?
She looked at me like someone who has gone insane and scoffed, she wrapped her soft palm around my sleeping member and jrked slowly, instead of it sending sweet sensation down my spine, it sent the opposite and I gnashed my teeth in pain.
Beauty: is not showing any sign that it will rise… Vic, what….
Voice: sis, what are you doing in with that gentle man? I need to eat quickly, am famished.
Beauty: dress up, my kid sister won’t let us be anytime soon.
I wore my trouser like someone who has lost olympic medal after flexing so much confidence of winning, Beauty quickly opened the door and met the gaze of her kid sister who looked at us suspiciously tilting her head side to sides,She squat before her and pecked her cheeks.
Beauty: follow me, let’s go down and eat.
Annabel: is he not coming with us? pointing at me
Beauty: he is my boyfriend, he has no choice. He have to taste what he taught me.
I chuckle uneasilyCan my day be any worse, I would have to be forced to eat what Beauty cooked, it should better taste good.
I don’t want to be in a renewed relationship with toilet, the last time I did.
I earned the duty of washing the toilet so that I can use it, since the one that should be washing the toilet insist he wanted to wash it that time, and I had no choice but to take his stead.
Beauty looked back and her eyes sent loads of messages, she giggled and I realized she was laughing my inability to last long for the first time, maybe am looking like someone who has ’caused the death of his parents.
We sat on the dinning table that Beauty had arranged earlier, she dished the meal.
And I had to say, the egusi soup look rich with the varieties of meats and fishes in it, everything looked so delicious that I could not wait to get down on the plates.
I washed my hands quickly did not realize that Annabel was looking at me all along until…
Annabel: are you that hungry, lets pray before we eat.
Beauty: what is wrong with you Annabel, have you lost it?
Me: let her be, Annabel lead us in prayer, little witch fa!I have to close my eyes, thank God I shifted the responsibility of praying from me oh! Were we are even start from, I always prayed to God to have mercy on me. I cannot even remember when last I prayed ’cause I have been avoiding troubles, my God is a merciful God and I always called on him when I needed mercy upon my life.
She started praying from one topic to another, blessing the provider and removing curses from our life.
Deleting poisons from the food, praying blablabla… I started yawning ’cause my stomach was not finding the situation funny, finally she ended the prayer and I shouted a very loud ‘amen’.
We opened our eyes, and I was expecting both of them to wash their hands and eat.
Instead, they picked up their table knife, fork and their blablabla… While I used the Africa garri tools that is like no other, I washed my hands jejely and cut my garri, folded it into a mighty ball rolled on the soup scooping some facilitator that can enable you finish seven wraps of fufu and still not be satisfied, I was ready to throw the mighty garri morsel inside my mouth to roll down to my stomach…
Annabel: why are you using your hands? she look like someone who has shit plaster on her face, who be this kid?
Me: I prefer the Africa way of eating, you will not enjoy the meal more than I will do.
Beauty: Annabel, you are getting out of hands, I will send you back to granny if I hear more words from you.
That is how the growing witch with wings finally shut up, my heart leaped in happiness.
Annabel: uff! Sis, it taste horrible vomiting morsel of garri
Beauty: what do you mean? The soup taste great, baby,how does it taste? my garri morsel was hanging all along
Me: my heart start beating fast I have not taste it.
She raised her eyebrows in expectantly, I threw the souped morsel into my mouth and the taste seems different from what I knew as egusi, I could not fathom the taste at all, I didn’t know where to place the problem.
Everything taste burnt, it was like offerings offered to the gods.
Beauty: how is it baby? she look nervous
Me: ahh! Umh.. It taste great for beginner I have to lie as I beam my squeezed face
Annabel: I cannot eat this rich pikin, why you no go sharp mouth. Come my house come talk this thing, iffa hear, you no go eat that night again Annabel left the dinning, and I was forced to fill my stomach with what I will never agree to eat even in nightmare so that I will not disappoint her second time.
She was beaming with her shiny thirty two dentition which added another tooth when I washed my hands and complimented her for a work well-done.
She cleared the dishes, and I checked my time. It was crawling to 8pm already, I decided to leave so that history will not repeat itself.
She came back and saw me standing at the centre of the sitting room.
Me: baby, I have to go…
Beauty: she look sad why? I thought you are staying over.
Me: I did not plan for that, and I cannot allow my sister to be the only one to stay in that house all by herself.
Annabel appear with a plate in hand
Beauty: have a nice night, my love.
Annabel: is he leaving, sis… I was thinking he will stay over and play with me.
Me: I will next time, Anne. Goodnight love.
We hugged and we shared kiss, I pecked Annabel and find my way out of the house.
Immediately I exited the house a sudden bliss brushed pass me and my stomach became heavy, I felt the urgeto sht.
Going back is a bad idea, I can hurriedly get home and use the toilet, I waved down a taxi and hopped in.I did not know if it was my sight that deceived me or my brain, the car was moving like tricycle and the driver spitted all over were he faces engaging all the passengers in unwanted discussion, especially me that sat in front with him.
I was in heavy discomfort as I endured the shit hangingin my buttocks.
Driver: oga na so life dey oh, if no be say I get sense, na so I for loose this car wey dey help my life I throw my face to the window escaping flying spits if na you, wetin you go do?
Me: I no know oh! this man leave me na He started another conversation with someone else when I refused to answer him anymore, I was busy counting houses to get to the next junction.
It took years of training that I did not drop the shit in the car, I quickly paid and boarded the next bus.
The bus was jumping instead of running, as my buttocks was bouncing on the seat, I lost the control over the shit, I started hitting the bus for him to stop so I can look for where to shit since we are in bushy part.
Me: I wan drop here! Driver!! Conductor, I wan stop here!!!
Conductor: we no fit stop here, na night be this. Them dey thief here well well…
Voices: abeg drive oh, oga you be thief why you wan drop here? No stop oh! Na so robbery dey take start.
Me: see wahala oh! na you go tell me where I go stop,when I don shit for your bus, your eyes go open I shouton top my voice
To be continued
